Day 100 Free from cancer.

Declared Cancer Free by your Dr. and feeling Free From Cancer.

When does this happen? I will have follow up appts. for the next 5 years, which include CT scans and chest xrays... I imagine that waiting for these results each time will be stressful.

Even when you are cancer free, you are never free from cancer. (Remember, no one is free from cancer). Cancer happens and it is really out there. My memory is already fading of my daily trips to the center. My life has quickly gone back to the old normal routine with the new old me. I am the same and I am very different. I have the fading memories (and a lot of turtlenecks and scarves).

I am quite sad to be writing this entry. I am still amazed that I made it through all 100 days with something say. I am going to try and keep up the blogging, so in the future you can check in with me at Teddy's House. (see the link to the right) It is not about me, it is about the kids and our life, and not really as interesting. I started blogging last year as a way to becoming a writer, and I didn't make it very far. I can assure you that I will not be making daily entries, but I will set a goal to make at least one entry a week, and let's see how it goes.

Thank you to everyone that has been reading this and keeping up with me. This blog has given me a tremendous sense of community, that there are people far away that check in to see how I am doing. I really appreciate the words of encouragement and the emails from everyone, please continue to check in with me.

Day 99 Remembering the Journey

I think that these 100 days have given me tremendous insight into another world. I have been blessed with an incredibly healthy family and friends. I haven't even had anyone really close to me die, and I have no experience with long term illness. This has been my glimpse into what it is like to feel awful and still have to go through the day with your kids.
I also have an appreciation for friendship, and how each of my friends showed me a different side of them. Some of them still need to hug me every time I see them. Some of them cried every time they heard my whisper on the phone. I have a renewed energy for being a full person. I mean full in the sense of making each day positive, mostly for my husband and kids, but also for the rest of the world. I don't want to think that I went even a few hours without reaching out to someone and sharing and being a friend.
On my 40th birthday earlier this year, I was sure that this would be my best year yet. A few weeks ago, at the height of my misery, I was pissed at what a bad year this was turning out to be. But now that I am healthy and healed and happy, I can look back on the 100 day journey and see it for the positive things that I can take away.

Day 98 Holiday Cheer

I could not have asked for better timing for this whole "chapter". (although it did kinda' wreck my summer). I randomly picked 100 days back in August, not really knowing what was going to happen, and what my health would be like in December. I did skip Halloween and was quiet at Thanksgiving. I am ready for Christmas. I am ready for my holiday decorations and lights on the bushes and a christmas tree.
At the same time, now that I am feeling better I realize how much life just goes on. My kids still know very little of the details of my diagnosis. I am glad that I made the decision to keep this all quiet and in the background. Now that I am truly moving on, I am glad that the kids will not have this to worry about. I am also running out of excuses to stay home at night. I will have to make some decisions about which committees I officially retire from. It is easy to "retire" when you haven't been to any meetings for a few months.

Day 97 Red Rock

I have started to make it back to the gym.. I am back on the treadmill and back to my weight training. I get weighed in next week at my Dr. (seeing the ocologist one last time) on the scale that they weighed me each week. I would love to be back to my "bikini weight". I know that it is not really important what my weight is, or the number on the scale, but it is a sign that I am back and in control of my life again. Being at the gym makes me feel incredibly healthy and strong.
My neck is still pink and itchy and when I am on the treadmill sweating, it gets redder and redder - kinda' funny.
I have a red rock on my desk, given to me by friend M. just as I was starting the radiation. I only have a few things to remind me of these 100 days. Of course, this journal. I have been copying it into Word, so that I can keep it. Maybe some day when I am feeling sorry for myself I can reread the entries and remember what a great life I have and great friends and family.